Disclaim this!

rantforfood claims no responsibility for your crap ideas being nicked by young Hollywood upstarts and made into a vehicles for Steven Siegel. All pitches are posted at your own risk to your credibility and sex life.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Flesh Gordon - Part Deux

This is a piece a friend of mine created for the Video Blood show. It's called Journey to the Porno Planet of Doom!

Monday, July 2, 2007

Bollywood Special

Some crazy shite from the worlds biggest film indusrty. I won't claim to like it, but it is funny in a kind of school play way. I'm sure there's some good stuff out there, I'm just too scarred but what I've seen to look further.

This is a Indian music video, either 'playing homage to,' or just plain ripping off, MJ's 'Thriller.' Either way, it's classic:

Here's Indian Superman (don't ask me what's going on, I really have no idea):

and if you can sit through that, there's also a part II:

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Fan Death - Jamie Gibson

Fan Death

"When the shit hits the fan... You'll want to be standing behind it!"

Its 2008 and the Chinese economy is booming, no one can keep pace as cut throat China races miles ahead in terms of international commerce. One struggling young boy helps a mysterious old man and takes a container load of old rangi fans in payment. With dreams of making it big he seeks passage cargo in tow on a freighter to Sth Korea, paying his way thru scrubbing the decks and shinning the knob of a diseased Russian Captain.

During the stormy crossing what happens in the shadows of night foreshadow the gallons of blood that will follow once this container of Fan Death reaches its final destination.

Once in Sth Korea and eager to make a buck the young boy sells his fans to various people. Later he comes across newspaper articles pointing at an increase of fan related deaths. Our hero is stunned at seeing the familiar dismembered body of his first customer a young female student, splashed across a front page... She had been killed in what seemed to be a freak accident involving a fan and a tanning bed. The poor boy sets out to investigate if his money earned has truly come at the cost of human life.

What follows are rampant scooter chases though crowded markets against a ticking clock, various cover ups by what appears to be the Chinese government and bollocks conspiricy theories regarding the true cause of these deaths.... Our hero must stem this gale force wind of Fan Death before numbers reach a record year high.

Was it just the usual, harmless fans, silently killing unsuspecting sleepers, plagued with old, smoke weakened lungs? Is it our heros new breed of fan, preying on anything within the reach of their death blades and infecting various other types of fan, including the deadly ceiling fan or the small portable hand fan? Or could it be something more sinister? Perhaps Voldermolt seeking to rid the world of Korean muggles?

Finding a pattern to the killings proves difficult... The carnage seems to be leading into Nth Korea in an effort to instigate nuclear fallout with the U.S. eliminating China's only close competitor for economic supremacy or is it simply fans maiming, butchering and murdering the Innocent in a hurricane of blood lust?

So I ask you...
"When the shit hits the Fan... Where will you be?"

Think Final Destination meets Braindead with a few of the Divinci Code type messages and a strange Asian albino who enjoys sudoku.... Also loosely based upon Borat and the Heroes Journey by Joseph Campbell.


Yun-Fat Chow as the mysterious Chineseman and who else but Jet Li for the poor young boy. Perhaps Paris Hilton as our dismembered young tanner... I don't think there is any need to explain why she is in Korea other than to rid the world of her in a freak stunt accident reminiscent of The Crow.

Much as I would like to make this movie whilst I'm in Korea I fear it will never be made because of the strong belief that fan death truly is....A cause of death.

Attached are links for your interest...

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

They Only Come Out in Heels - CUs

Enjoy the 3 Graces in all their CU glory. Hazzah!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

They Only Come Out in Heels - Poster

They Only Come Out in Heels - Grizzly Gibson

When good girls go bad... When good men go looking... When good shoes get blood on them... All hell will break loose!

Introducing the sexist 'Skinamascope' picture since Don't Put That There - They Only Come Out in Heels will blow you away.

What's sexier than a full moon air-balloon adventure? Than ravenous wolves prowling the American desert for what could be their last meal? Than a mysterious Egyptian wanderer?

The infamous Three Graces star in what will surely be the most horrific blend of excitement and terror you've ever experienced since Faster, Pussycat! Meow! Meow!

Red Rubber Gun CUs

Hola, here are some close ups from the Red Rubber Gun poster. Enjoy, and yes - there is a foxy lady in the flames.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

The Forlorn Fist of Love - Andy Shawshank

A washed up prizefighter teams up with a plug ugly dog to save the earth from aliens. In the process they deflower a kind hearted prostitute. By the end of the movie they blow up 6 cable cars and end up winning the admiration of their country, living happily ever after.

Think Waterworld meets Adaptation.

Red Rubber Gun - Grizzly Gibson

In a far away galaxy, the planet Xesseiliaca (life forms with optional egg shell carton and macaroni mutations) is under treat from Al Jazeer-a-tron devils who have foreign foods and a silly way of governance.

As the Al Jazeer-a-tron-hadists approach from the east, Zane (blond, tussled; think a younger, less dead, less fat, less brunette Marlon Brando), arises from humble beginnings as a red rubber farmer on the outskirts of Metropolis Extreme (buildings akin to spinning tops and X wing model kit parts, but shinier and with oodles of CG birds and non-specific steam)

When the swarthy Al Jezar-a-tron-hadists invade in search of Xesseiliaca's natural resources Zane must lead a small band of rebel scum against them. Battles will be fought on giant mechanical chrome dragons, each shinning scale beautifully reflecting Xesseiliaca's permanent sunset skies.

There will be alien love, sword fights at laser battles, blond haired heroes, armoured bikinis, funny sounding enemies and killer 'logue like "If we don't get to that mega-naonic moon reactor in time there will be a massive melt down extreme! Come my noble and lightly coloured Xesseiliacians - follow me through this Xemo Portal to hell and beyond"

Because when all hell breaks loose... always reach for a Red... Rubber... Gun!

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Howdy and welcome, sit down, stay awhile, email us the movie ideas that even the Weinsteins wouldn't touch.

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Send us your worst ideas (rantforfood@gmail.com) and we'll post em. If all goes well we will offer a professionally (by which I mean me) produced movie poster for the best submissions.